It has taken me some time to figure out my feelings about all of this, and I am still working through some raw emotion. However, the best way I can describe it is that I feel like I have lost a best friend, and I just returned home from a funeral. I felt like my country, who I have stood by loyally, left me when I needed it most. Some talk about how it was about policy, etc.--for me, and for many others, this was not political, it was personal. It was not about republicans or democrats--it was about living my everyday life without fear. I wiped tears away as I sent my muslim-looking husband to work today, and told him to be safe. I worried about whether I named my kids incorrectly, and should have given them more "American-sounding" names. This is my new normal--and so many people will never understand that. I have friends who now have similar struggles, whether it be about marriage, race or human rights, and are mourning in their own way. This election was not about policy for me--it was about safety, tolerance and togetherness. There are many more republicans (almost any of them, in fact), that would not trigger such anxiety for me, because I believe, at the end of the day, that they believe in an inclusive society. Today, I feel homeless. And I am sad.
However, I know much work has to be done, and I will not rest. And I take solace in the fact that my facebook feed has been lit up with those who understand, and strive for an inclusive society. Especially those who were vocal for the last several months--I heard you, I feel you, and I love you. I have a new found respect for a number of you, and that loving spirit is what is healing my broken heart. For those who told me to be kind, embrace our new leader and move on--I see you too. And I now know that you will never fully understand what this election was about for me, so I will no longer waste my time trying to make you understand.
I hugged my husband a little tighter (or a lot tighter, if I am being completely honest) last night, hugged my children tighter this morning, and have embraced friends who are also facing simlilar struggles. If anything positive has come out of this for me, it is that I (mostly) have surrounded myself with the right people, and I know my children's childhood will still be full of love. I may have to be a bit more careful to ensure the safety of my family, but I will do what it takes. To my children--I can promise you this-- in our family, both by chance and by choice, love will always win. Always.
